when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
