I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
