im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
