just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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