you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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