i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
