YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
