There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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