i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
