i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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