Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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