Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
