She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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