dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
