last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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