it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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