I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
