I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
