You just made me feel so damn special
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
