oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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