Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
