she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
