you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
