Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
