i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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