if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
