i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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