it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
