Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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