eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
