so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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