I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
