Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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