so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
