Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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