If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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