i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
