It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
