Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
