Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
