You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
