Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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