What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
