Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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