R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
