Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
