I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
how drunk are you?
Several
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
