3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
