I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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