There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
