i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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