peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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