You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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