remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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