You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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